Trust Broken
by MyBabyPo
Summary: When a problem happens with Whinney how does Ayla react? Dead are not and we go back to The Valley after a dream of her mother trying to help Ayla and Whinney. My first story! ON HOLD!
1. Chapter 1

All Characters are owned by Jean M Auel. This is my first story so it will likely be awful.

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Chapter 1: A Break In Trust

As Zelandoni left, Ayla thought about how she was going to tell him she was a Donier – One Who Serves The Mother. Suddenly fear of what might happen took over her. She leapt upon Whinney; keeping a tight hold on her daughter she pushed Whinney into a sudden gallop.

Most people had seen Zelandoni go in and come out of the horse hearth. Then with a flying rush they saw Ayla on Whinney come pelting out with Grey and Racer trailing them. All they knew was that Zelandoni must have upset or given Ayla something to think about. They all had a good guess at what.

On and on Ayla pushed Whinney. The last time Ayla had done this was when Ranec and Jondalar upset her on the day of the demonstration, but now she kept going. The wind ruffled her long blond locks. The rush almost pulled her off. Everything going by as a blur nothing was clear. As Ayla's thoughts steadied so did Whinney, but as much as she tried the thoughts came and she detested them. Would Jondalar leave her? Would he stop loving her? How would he react? Would he take Jonayla away from me? I am so silly he would never do that…………Or would he?

Too many questions and not enough answers! As the wind picked up pressing Whinney's walk faster, Jonayla started to cry and Ayla soothed her. For some reason only the mother would know the earth danced and shook. Startled and panicky Whinney bounded into gallop. Mane whipping Ayla's face as she gamely hang on. Ayla's grip around Jonayla could have smashed volcanoes. Trees collapsing all around them. The gallop told them Whinney was struggling. Thunder came ahead while the dancing of the earths came to a stop and lighting struck setting fire to all in its path. Whinney tired stopped to sooth her wily foals.

Ayla got down to comfort the horses, when the dancing came again. Grey and Racer flew ahead but Whinney stayed this time. Her love in this woman to strong. Whinney trusted her. Looking around Ayla saw they were in an alcove of flaming trees. The fire was warm but deadly today. With tremendous amounts of energy the earth continued to shake, now Ayla was petrified. Thunder echoed those last minuits as the three scampered towards the only exit. Just as they were about to past a flaming tree fell in their way. They were surrounded. There was no choice. Ayla mounted Whinney making sure Jonayla was safe she gave one signal. This signal Whinney obeyed. She trusted the woman. Her feet pounding the earth louder than thunder. Her effort greater than anything alive. Her trust too much to see reality. Just as she met the fire she leapt up high in the air. But it was not to be. She was not tall enough. As the flames danced high she fell short. Pain shot through her back legs. A burning sensation. A destruction on trust. Ayla fell from the awful landing in time to see her beloved horse suffer. Then Blackness.

Chapter 2: Looking And Seeing 

A small few quakes had hit the cave but nothing was ruined. Everyone was calm except Jondalar. He had seen Ayla go off riding. He knew she hated quakes. As he paced the entrance he looked up to hoof beats. Only Grey and Racer? Hollering to Joharran he pelted to the far off horses. He knew something had happened. Whistling for Wolf he mounted the stallion.

"Joharran I need to find Ayla, are you coming?" held out his hand.

"I am not likely to let you go alone now, am I?" Taking Jondalar's hand he leapt upon Racers back behind his little brother. After calling Wolf to heel he nudged the trusting stallion into a charge to where, well they were about to find out. Whence in gallop he dropped all signals. The young stallion was startled then remembered his mother and flew across the vast fields to the forest where his mum was in trouble.

Before they got to the alcove they saw the fire. 'No' Jondalar thought. Joharran thought quickly,

"We need to stop the fire!" He yelled over the cackling and crackling of the furiously burning flames dancing high with stealth-ness.

"So go back on Racer." Was his only comment before the ever-loyal Wolf caught sent of his beloved mistress and pelted off. After his brother was out of site still skirting the alcove he turned and Racer gave it his all and went home again.

Wolf led Jondalar to the far opening or the alcove. They waded across the small river to get to the entrance when Jondalar heard a weak cry in the distance. Wolf knew it was his best friend Jonayla and scampered off. Thankfully the fire had turned tail. Ducking, jumping, and runnig till they saw a super sorry sight.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Looking And Seeing 

A small few quakes had hit the cave but nothing was ruined. Everyone was calm except Jondalar. He had seen Ayla go off riding. He knew she hated quakes. As he paced the entrance he looked up to hoof beats. Only Grey and Racer? Hollering to Joharran he pelted to the far off horses. He knew something had happened. Whistling for Wolf he mounted the stallion.

"Joharran I need to find Ayla, are you coming?" held out his hand.

"I am not likely to let you go alone now, am I?" Taking Jondalar's hand he leapt upon Racers back behind his little brother. After calling Wolf to heel he nudged the trusting stallion into a charge to where, well they were about to find out. Whence in gallop he dropped all signals. The young stallion was startled then remembered his mother and flew across the vast fields to the forest where his mum was in trouble.

Before they got to the alcove they saw the fire. 'No' Jondalar thought. Joharran thought quickly,

"We need to stop the fire!" He yelled over the cackling and crackling of the furiously burning flames dancing high with stealth-ness.

"So go back on Racer." Was his only comment before the ever-loyal Wolf caught sent of his beloved mistress and pelted off. After his brother was out of site still skirting the alcove he turned and Racer gave it his all and went home again.

Wolf led Jondalar to the far opening or the alcove. They waded across the small river to get to the entrance when Jondalar heard a weak cry in the distance. Wolf knew it was his best friend Jonayla and scampered off. Thankfully the fire had turned tail. Ducking, jumping, and running till they saw a super sorry sight. Whinney sprawled on the floor, hind legs which have smoke or visible heat coming off them. Not far from that Jonayla was shaking her mother trying to wake her. Ayla would not wake up though. Jondalar walked over to Whinney but as soon as she heard his feet she squealed and kicked around trying to get up. As soon as she did stand she fell again with an agonising whinny. Jondalar turned and walked over to Ayla. He sat down and cuddled Jonayla who had crawled over. 'So this is what happens when they go out riding in a storm' he thought.  
As Racer stopped outside the ninth cave people poured out. With a terrified expression her told them everything. At once everyone gathered things to help and Joharran went back to where he left his brother. From there he quickly found the trail. As soon as he came across the agonising sight he look at his brothers tearful face. As Jondalar look at his brother to shake his head Ayla moaned ever so slightly. Joy shot across their faces.

"Jondalar? Jondalar what are we going to do with Whinney? It will be unfair to keep her alive. Do you want me to…?" He got cut off.

"No, Whinney is what may be needed to help Ayla pull through. You know how unset she will be if she could not say goodbye. Whinney is like her oldest daughter. She and Whinney helped each other in the valley. You may not know it but when Whinney came back with Racer in her stomach, Ayla had been following the herd and had was in the first stages of hypothermia, Whinney saved her by taking her to the cave quickly. And in doing so saved Ayla." Joharran was shocked beyond belief.

As a crowd of footsteps readapted the thunder came close Joharran went to greet his cave. As soon as they had seen what had happened they were shocked. Zelandoni was starting towards Ayla when Whinney swished her tail. Walking over that way she could see the pain and fear shine like the sun in her once peaceful brown eyes. Surprised she soothed her and saw to the worst of burns. Yelling orders she got Racer in to the travois so Whinney could be taken home. After she was sure Whinney was fine she turned to Ayla. Ayla had bad concussion and was knocked unconscious by the fall. Checking Ayla over carefully Zelandoni was very surprised to find that Ayla was unharmed. Just to be sure Zelandoni refused to have Ayla moved from where she fell till she woke up.

After what seemed ages Ayla moved slightly and screamed her beloved horse's name. She sat bolt up and looked around for her Whinney but tear started to steam down her pain-covered face. Jondalar was quick to sooth her as his heart aced immensely when he saw his mate this. Ayla had not noticed Zelandoni till now and when she did the people around her were scared at the burning anger in her eyes.

"You! It is your fault! If it were not for you being all high and mighty making decisions without others Whinney and me would not be in this mess. You…You…You hyena! Filthy rubbish!" People backed away. 'Was this the calm and helping Ayla they knew or not' Most people could not think of an answer. Wolf having sensed Ayla's anger quickly jumped to protect her. Wolf knew Zelandoni but he would always ignore that to protect his mum. His teeth bared and top lip curled back made him scarier then he put in a full throaty and menacing growl for a warning. Everyone now knew why he or she should not tangle with Wolf and Ayla. Ayla looked towards Jondalar who carried Jonayla. She held out her arms for her child not even bothering about Wolf. Zelandoni gave Jondalar a knock out tea so they could get Ayla home with no more a-do. She also gave Wolf a calming drink just for safety.

'My daughter listen to me. Zelandoni is not to blame, I am. I did it so everyone can see that you are something special. May they see who you are for real? Most want to kill Whinney because they think it is unfair, I know it is but she must live like this was meant to happen. I have healed her physical injuries but you have to heal her mental injuries. There is something only you to can do together because you are no linger a partnership as you once were. But to do it you must remember and there is only one way you can go back and see what happened and to see the reality once again. But you must be able to see the accident in Whinney's eyes before hand. Goodbye and do not forget. Please do not forget.'


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Whinney Now 

As Ayla opened her eyes she was greeted with Jondalars unbelievably vivid blue eyes. Her heart melted at the panic that was there. She had upset so much not meaning too but now she was fine he started relaxing. It had been ages ago they got home and everyone crowded in close wanting to see Ayla, they though she might look like Whinney who had some how healed within the past two weeks. Ayla had been confined to her bed because Zelandoni did not want her to push it. Ayla still tried to attack her thought when she went anywhere near her. Jondalar had kept an eye on her and told Zelandoni what had happened but when she went into her own world he lost it and went for Zelandoni who sent him to his mother for a while. Ayla had been unreasonable for 2 days and Zelandoni was flabbergasted, she did not know what to do. But when Ayla started to come too she shifted out of the way so she would not pounce upon her.

Ayla looked around the dwelling and saw the person she had wanted to see but she was not sure why. Ayla was not sure what had happened. She did not remember anything apart from she had to do something. It had something to do with Whinney, Wolf and Racer surprisingly Baby too. But who were these people. Where was her mum? Where was her cave? She wanted her people. Then she had a sudden flash,

'_She ran out of a hide covered lean-to. She went to play in the river. She then saw herself playing with rocks of some sort. The earth moved and the stones fell. Everything around her was falling. She looked through her own eyes at the lean-to. To her distress it plunged into a deep hole.'_ She shook her head slightly. That was how she became an orphan. She knew now but she had forgotten something but what, and who were these people? Did they adopted and save her? 'I must say something but what? I know I will thank them.'

"I thank you for saving my life!" Ayla said but to her surprise they shook their heads.

"Ayla I do not understand you." The big blonde man told her. 'What did I say and what are they saying' She shook her head to try and show she did not understand.

Jondalar was speechless so he tried the clan way and got the same response. He tried all the languages he knew and none of them did she understand. They asked Willomar in to see if he knew the language. They had the same response. By now everyone had found out Ayla forgot all the languages she knew except one they had never heard before. To Jondalar this was completely frustrating but some found it a bit amusing while others were shocked out of their minds because Ayla never forgot.

Ayla was having the time of her life. She found all the looks they gave her not the bit disturbing but they niggled something in her mind. She knew her animals and the names so she thought she should try and see if that got any response. At the sound of her neigh they looked at her and she said Whinney again but with speech in all the languages she remember saying it in. They looked wild with excitement so she did Baby. They were nodding in pleasure. So she decided to play with them and said Rabbit when she wanted to say Wolf. They shook their heads to her disappointment. She pointed and said Wolf to the animal. He picked is head up lazily and barked lightly. She was so shocked when it moved; she thought it was a rug. She leapt to the other side of the room in fright.

There was quite a crowd now outside and most almost lost their gaws because they dropped so fast when they saw Ayla pounce to the other side of the room when HER Wolf moved. Not one person believed that she was faking it when they saw her panic at the sight of the glorious proud animal.

She did not understand when they all smiled as the Wolf yawned showing them his sharp white teeth. He stretched and walked over to her as she stood in pure fear. She could not move. Her feet where rooted. Her body wanted to take off. Her heart said no for some unexplainable reason. And her mind was saying this was right but this was wrong. She wanted to scream and go and say hello to the animal but she could not do either. As the Wolf got close enough she found her feet. To most she seemed to fly out of the cave. She ran down the path a way to be face and face with a stallion of deep brown. The stallion called a welcome to her but she screamed her loudest scream and took to the way Whinney was. She kept running after a while she looked behind her. In the distance she saw the people of the cave coming after her. But she would not let them take her and hold her prisoner. She started to tire as she came to a river. She did not look around but bend down to take a drink. A fierce sharp snort got her attention. She looked at the horse before her but on the other side of the fast but steady river. The sound enhanced the moment. The beautiful but fiery mare stood fast. Ayla to stood fast. They could move but neither did. They knew each other. Ayla whinnied in confusion without knowing it and the mare snorted and struck out with such furiousness but Ayla stood fast.

Whinney saw that had no effect so decided to blow up. She sharply twisted her head and stood tall. Her proud movements were not what Ayla saw but the sliver scars that seemed to shine like the sun. Whinney saw that rearing was not enough so she did what she would never have done before 'the break of trust'. She charged through the river ignoring the people not to far away. Once on the other side she backed away from the woman a few steps. Then she took her anger up and the fire glowed in her eyes. She reared with all her might. Struck out with her hooves almost in unition. She walked a few steps and screamed with all her anger. She wanted nothing to do with this traitor ever again. Her son still did and her daughter but she hated them. She wanted to be free again, but something would not let her. She blamed this woman. If she killed her she thought she would be free. But she came close enough to do so and a memory of when this woman saved her life from hyenas came to mind and she backed down. Turning she fled.

The people of the cave shot after Ayla after they gained their senses and saw her confrontation with Racer. They saw as they scared each other. Jondalar raced off to calm Racer as Ayla took off in the other direction. Once Racer saw Jondalar she relaxed. Then they went off to find Ayla. They found her with Whinney. Everyone thought Whinney would kill Ayla but nothing much happened in his or her eyes. Everything happened in his eyes. He saw what he never wanted to happen. Ayla took off again through the river. No one wanted to follow her because they were sure she would come back all except Jondalar. He moved to go after her when Zelandoni took his arm and shook her head.

Ayla saw everyone out of the corner of her eyes and took off. Never will she go back there. She wanted to go home. She wanted her family. She never got to thank those people but she was not sure she wanted to.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: What Now 

Ayla kept moving and at a fast pace on her red sore feet. She was tired but kept going. She had no idea where she was going but she wanted to get away for the second time in her life. She remembered the pain and agony of staying behind the first time. She decided to slow down. She had no idea how to hunt or find food. She just knew there would be somewhere for her to stay and learn some skills. She turned round a corner of a cave or boulder only to see a fluffy baby durk tooth tiger. She saw it's mum dead beside it with a spear stuck in the chest. The spear was a thick but subtle one. The mum had blood dripping at a slow pace, as the animal lay dead. The blood on the fur was starting to dry. The scent of blood scared Ayla because she knew any predator would come looking but could she leave a baby to the same threat as she had been left. The durk tooth tiger called out wanting help, Ayla thought. 'Well if both of us need to be alone we might as well be alone together.' She picked up the baby and cradled it close to her. She untied her cloak she was wearing and wrapped it around the little bundle of fluff. She then started walking again.

Jondalar fed up went to tell him mum he was going to go visit Dalanar. Anxiously she agreed, She hoped he would not go off on a legless chase for Ayla because she was beyond help. She knew he loved her but she knew how heart broken he would be if she turned round and said nope cannot do so. Jondalar promised to be back within a cycle of the moon. Unlikely but ok he could go. Joharran paced up and down till it had gone well into the night. He knew his brother way to well. Going to Dalanar would not be nearly enough. He just hoped Jondalar would not go as far as he did once before. My mate has two children to nurse now and will have to keep them.

Ayla's eyes started to droop warily. The little baby was getting heavy in her arms and was starting to move about. Step after agonising step Ayla went she knew she had to get into a cave or somewhere. She was afraid and wanted comfort. The little durk tooth tiger had started to play with Ayla's hair making it even harder to keep her eyes open. Her whole body shook with exhaustion and over exertion from carrying the cub so long. Unnoticed to the cub and her there was a steady thudding about 2ft behind them. Whinney had followed. She felt strung to the woman. She knew what pain trusting her was and had forgotten all the fun they once had. She also wanted to know where she was going. When Ayla picked up the cub, Whinney looked onwards curiously. Exactly what happened with Baby and Wolf.

Ayla saw a cave not too far away and hurried to it, she was dying for food and so was her young friend. She walked in as the rain started to pour, she walked in far enough so that the rain would not get her but close enough to the entrance so that she could get out quickly if needed. She led down and shook with the cold but she hugged the poor cub to her for warmth and support. Whinney watched as they went in and she stood looking onwards as the rain ran down her body soaking her coat and making her wet. She remembered the time of warmth and having a shelter when it rained with happiness. Whinney was unable to stand the wetness anymore and she walked nervously into the cave and hid in a shadow so hardly anyone would see her.

Jondalar had ridden for a while when he decided to break for the night. He set up his tent outside the edges of a forest he had just ridden thorough. He laid a sheet over Racer and tied him up. Then after eating some dried meat he had brought he thought about Ayla and wondered if she would ever be Ayla – the one he knew and loved so much – again or if she would stay as she is now. He fell asleep dreaming of his Ayla and of how much fun they had had. Marthona had paced and cried since her son had left again to go on a silly search for his loved one who no longer knew him. Everyone in the cave was down and upset, Ayla had been treasured by all, she was an asset and a loved one. No one could believe the person who had just ran off afraid of the animals she tamed was the same lady they knew. All the children were surprised that the lady they all looked up to and enjoyed being around had just left with no goodbye and Jonayla to young to know any better had not stopped crying after feeling all the down moods in the cave.

"THE NEXT DAY"

In the cave people had started to move about and get up. A bow legged female walked out her hearth to go outside to relive herself. She screamed in fright when she saw Ayla curled up asleep with a Dirk tooth tiger cub and she backed off to the far wall and backed into Whinney. She screamed again and fainted. The men of the cave came running as fast as possible but one got there before the others. He was the tallest as he was a mixed. He looked down at Ayla and the cub with a bewildered look and then at the Mare stood with a fiery look, daring anyone to come near. She looked like the mare in his dreams as was the woman and cub, but she had a cave lion. Ayla gasped at the sight of Flatheads and spat out the word before she saw the horse and pounced backwards in fright. She shook and screamed at the horse "How dare you follow me?" Then she collapsed against the wall crying feebly and cuddling her cub. The men of the clan arrived as Ayla called out to the mare. One old man in particular took interest in Ayla and waved off the other men as he walked towards her.

Jondalar packed up and mounted early so he could get to Dalanars before dusk. He rode with thoughts flying through his head of when he first saw Ayla. He smiled at the sight of the shock on her face and then he remembered the first time he rode his stallion. Racer was also thinking of his mum and his sister who he missed dearly. He also was thinking of the valley he was born in and he whickered upset like. "You feel the same do ya boy," Jondalar asked.

The old man walked up to Ayla and grunted. Ayla looked up and stared. She glanced over at the mare that was rearing and kicking out telling the other clan men to back off. A man was aiming a spear at the mare. Ayla could not bear to see the fearless mare killed so she ran and pushed the man off his feet, (Or at least tried too) she called to the mare, "Run you crazy thing." Ayla chased the beast out of the cave. Then she ran back to get her cub. She noticed the old man and something made her stop for a second. While she seemed to be preoccupied the old man signed the other men of the clan to hold her. Ayla felt two pairs of hands wrap around her and she started struggling. The man who was mixed looked in her grey eyes and wondered if she was the one.

'What do you want us to do now?' One of the men asked. The old man answered

'Do not let her leave. Come with me!" He called to the mixed man. Ayla glared at the men and they chatted amongst themselves about her manners.

and held on tight as he technically dragged her back to the centre. They were not allowed to let her go.

The men had let go of her and had formed a circle around her. Some dared to try and get her others just watched in amazement. Ayla stared and refused anyone to touch her. She jumped back as someone came near her. She was scared and also happy in a way to be there. Whinney looked in from where she was hiding and wondered why SHE was not happy. 'She lived with others like it and we met some on our journey.' Ayla had had enough and was getting furious. She grabbed up her cub and stalked off towards a gap between the men, as she was about to go through someone leapt for her


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Is she really?

The old man led the mixed man way back into the cave and stopped at a spring filled area. He looked at the mixed man and thought about how much he had changed and wondered if he could take the news. After thinking about how to break the news he moved his hands slightly. The mixed man looked expectantly. The old man sighed, "Durc, you are different to us all as was your mother and your mate. You are clan at heart like Ayla but not on the outside, your mother once said 'he is you and me he is us both together. He is part other and part clan.' I have realised she is right and if you remember anything at all and put that to the woman outside you will realise she is your mother who the dead son of my mate turned away unfairly." Durc looked around sharply to the way they came then back at the old man. He was not lying, Durc found no give away that would be if he were lying.

"But Brun how could that be my mother? She is afraid of us. My mother would remember us not be afraid as much as that woman is." Brun nodded, clearly noticing that Durc was thinking wisely.

"Yes that woman may be afraid but I would know your mother anywhere. I am surprised to find her so close to us. Shall we head back and see if you notice anything." Brun moved off towards the way they came.

"Well are you coming Durc?" Brun looked around at him. Durk pondered for a moment.

"We should get Uba as she is her sister and then I will go but other wise I think it best I don't." Brun was not surprised since Durc had this fondness for Uba, seeing as she raised him and told him stories about his 'Mama'.

"Ok then Durc but do not say who it is I want to see her face." Durc scampered off and a few minutes later he returned with a curious Uba though she did not show it. Then all three of them set off towards Ayla.

Ayla was still in the centre of the circle getting frustrated. She heard nothing cept a grunt and they all moved away but most went to block the cave entrance. She looked about wondering why they just moved when the old man and mixed man came up close with a woman behind. The woman caught her breath and uttered the name of, which had only been spoken in private, Ayla in more of a clan way. Then she fainted. Ayla watched and raised her eyebrows in shock but also disbelief. She could not understand how the woman knew her name and then fainted. She shifted the cub that she had not let go off do she was comfy and then looked at the old man without blinking.

Uba saw Ayla and cried out her name then in all her shock she fainted. Brun and Durc looked at her in surprise. Then they looked back at Ayla. Something caught both eyes and they did not like it, as it was a predator.

"Why does she bear and Dirk tooth tiger Brun? And was that mare hers though the mare was afraid of her?" Brun shook his head not knowing the answer. He looked Ayla up and down trying to find out any differences with her. He noticed she seemed taller and had no respect for men. She held herself differently somehow; also she was showing signs of absolute fear though her eyes showed some but barely any remembrance of them all. Her gaw was set stiff like she would refuse anything they did. Over all he no longer saw the wonderful clan woman in her she had changed ever so much.

Durc did not remember much but he saw the grey eyes and long blond hair. He thought she looked too definite to have ever been a clan woman. His eyes better than Bruns caught sight that she had recently had a child. She also had a few scars on her arms and face where she had landed when she was in the alcove. Durc thought that Brun had lost his mind cause this was not his mother; he looked at Brun and told him he had had enough and that this was not his mother.

"Try call her mother in your own way" Brun knew this was Ayla and was upset that Durc did not remember her.

Ayla had turned and started to stalk towards the entrance after she noticed the men had moved away from Bruns wish. Durc though about how he said it and as she was about to leave he called it out. Something stirred in Ayla and she stopped.


	6. Authors Comments

Hey people... my my my... i am losing track of time... But sorry no story yet... I have decided to reply to your reviews first instead...

Uncle Buck wote

I am happy someone is continuing Earths children. You have something I don't. I have plot but no personality. I hope tou will, I fear getting started.

**Reply**

Hehehe thanks, i am good with personality because when i am free i read, but i always loose the plot and then one day sometime comes to me luckily. Hehehe i was confident to start with but lost that confidence as i went on but i am getting better.

Bohemian Anne wrote

This is a pretty good start. I can see from your bio that you love horses, so it would be interesting to see where you go with this. I hope you continue. Some of the word is a little too contemporary, but aside from that, this is a good beginning.

**Reply**

Thank you! I do and i can not remember not owning one either, but i have worked with so many and seen so many but one thing always sticks that people do not gain a bond with the horse and when they do, they always somehow destory it, not everyone but most. I have done so before i lost trust in the horse actually it is the same one that i own at the moment. I will try my hardest to continue! Whoops bad habbit..

CrazySparkles wrote

This is very good for your first story! My first story was absolutely dreadful! I love the Earth's Children series, and I'm glad you are continuing it. But I've noticed some things that I thought I would point out to help you. Sometimes you switch from first person (I) to third person (she). I know sometimes its hard to see the difference, but you'll figure it out. And secondly, I suggest you spellcheck before you post as well. Otherwise this is awesome. I wish your chapters were longer! And if you like horses, which I know you do, drop by the Spirit section and check out a few of my stories! )

**Reply**

Thank you! I get that i kept going over and over the start. I do too i actually found them by total mistake and it is my pleasure to show my views. Ye i kinda noticed that after i posted it but i did not want to change it as it shows it without me continually ortering which i was taugh was always good unless in an exam... It shows where i go wrong! I should have guessed that was coming but my computers word does not have spell check. Though i sometimes use a dictionary!!! I am useless... I used to bable on and nothing but nonsence came out and now i have corrected it the chapters are too short... I needed to learn!!! I do to and i have done so already and they are fabulous!!!

SSG Michael B Jackson wrote

Yes, this does look like an interresting beginning. I concur with some of the other reviewer's observations (tense and spell check) but these are minor points. Overall your writing style looks good and you have a solid start on your plot. I'll be looking forward to more!

**Reply**

Thanks i do understand they are. Whew i keep loosing the plot!!!

weahhh63 wrote

So when are you gonna continue it? It's got my attention so far...I've read all the fan fics for EC cuz I Can't wait till the next one comes out..just like waiting for Harry Potter- but at least I know how long I have to wait.

**Reply**

I do not quite know! Wow all these people who think it is good! I know i am on the edge of my seat waiting but after a little insident i decided to write this as well as nothing to do over christmad. Ye that is good with Harry Potter!!

Well bye for now all!!!!


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